A Touch of the Wind

Some days ago our labrador decided that it would be a good idea to lift her buttocks from the floor and gently "break wind". It was done with such grace and delicacy that much laughter followed from the family who had observed it!



It reminded me of a wonderful story James Herriot (the North Yorkshire Vet) tells of a great big daft Boxer dog called Cedric.

Cedric was owned by one of those very sweet and gentle ladies of tall, willowy and ethereal appearance - straight out a of a Victorian novel. The sort of lady who could never bring herself to say "fart!" When James is summoned to the phone and he is trying to find out why, the following conversation ensues:

"Well he .....er....he seems to suffer from ........a certain amount of flatus."
"I beg your pardon?"
"He has...........excessive flatus."
"In what way exactly?"
"Well......I suppose you'd describe it as........er.......windiness."
"You mean his stomach.....?"
"No, not his stomach. He passes...er...... a considerable amount of......er.....wind from his....his....." A note of desperation had crept in.

James visits and asks "How often does this excessive flatus occur"

As if in reply a most palpable sulphurous wave arose from the dog and eddied around me. It appeared that the excitement of seeing me had activated Cedric's weakness. I was up against the wall and unable to obey my first instinct to run for cover so I held my hand over my face for a few moments before speaking.
"Is that what you meant?"
Mrs Rumney waved a lace handkerchief under her nose and the faintest flush crept into the pallor of her cheeks.
"Yes," she replied, almost inaudibly, " Yes....that is it."

A second visit is even more devastating......

Mrs Rumney was about to lead me into the kitchen when the door burst open and Cedric bounded delightedly into the midst of the company. Within seconds an aesthetic looking gentleman was frantically beating off an attack as the great paws ripped down his waistcoat. He got away with the cost of a couple of buttons, then the boxer turned his attention to one of the ladies. She was in imminent danger of losing her dress when I pulled the dog off her!

.... I realised that a more insidious element had crept into the situation. The atmosphere within the room became rapidly charged with an unmistakable effluvium and it was clear that Cedric's unfortunate malady had reasserted itself.

Cedric made it worse because at each rasping expulsion he would look around enquiringly at his back end, then gambol about the room as though each fugitive zephyr was clearly visible to him and he was determined to corner it.

It seemed a year before I got him out of there. Mrs Rumney held the door open wide as I finally managed to steer him towards it, but the big dog wasn't finished yet. On the way out he cocked his leg swiftly and directed a powerful jet against an immaculate trouser leg.

James decides the dog needs rehousing, and Mrs Rumney's gardener has recently lost his dog. He is a widower, living all alone, and thinks that Cedric is "A grand dog." James is somewhat concerned with the perpetual flatus, but agrees to let the dog go to the gardener, without telling him of Cedric's little problem. Some weeks later he thinks he should call in to see how the two of them are getting on.

On his entry to the cottage Cedric lets fly another cracker, and by way of escape James buries his head into the vase of carnations on the kitchen table, commenting how lovely they smell.

"There's only one thing," the old man said pensively. "I don't get t'full benefit of 'em."
"How's that Con?" James asked.
"Well you can hear ah speak a bit funny like?".
"No....no.... not really."
"Oh aye ya know I do. I've bin like it since I were a lad. I 'ad a operation for adenoids and summat went wrong."
"Oh! I'm sorry to hear that," James said.
"Well it's nowt serious, but it's left me lacking in one way."
"You mean.....?" A light was beginning to dawn in my mind, an elucidation of how man and dog had found each other and why their relationship was so perfect.
"Aye," the old man went on sadly "I have no sense of smell."