Tuesday 31 May 2011

Talk About Being Dropped in the Proverbial S - - t!

I had to play for a funeral on Friday 27th.and the usual sequence of events is that the Funeral Director will ring me to book me, then some time later he will inform me of the musical requirements of the deceased persons family.

I was told the person who had died had left an order of service and in it was detailed the music to enter the Crem by, three hymns, and the music for the mourners to leave the Crem by. The second hymn was taken from a Christian Science Hymnal, and as I didn't have a copy of the hymn book, I asked the funeral director to obtain a copy of the hymn book for me.

The day before the funeral he rang me to let me know that he had obtained a copy of the Christian Science Hymnal, and he told me that the hymn was quite easy, so I didn't bother picking the music for it up before the service.

When I arrived at the Crem I asked the funeral director if he had the music, and he said, "Yes, It's on the organ. It's number 207."

I didn't have time to look at the hymn before the coffin was being carried into the Crem, and had to hastily strike up with Handel's Largo. After an opening sentence the first hymn was announced. This was sung, and was followed by a short sentence and then the second hymn was announced. (This was the Christian Science Hymn).

As I played it over, I noticed that the music on the first page (which went to the first three lines of a four line verse) didn't appear to fit in with the music on the second page, which was set to the words of the last line of the verse. It was also written in a different key.

Often in hymn books there are two versions of the same tune, and one is set in a lower key to make it more easily singable, so I was not too worried about the fact that the last line was set a tone lower. I could play it up a tone to match the first three lines of the tune!

When we got the fourth line of the tune the congregation were certainly not singing what I was playing, and on closer scrutiny of the hymn book I noticed that between the left hand page (and the first three lines of the tune), and the right hand page and the last line of the tune, someone had carefully cut out two pages!

In other words, the tune I was playing from the right hand side page had nothing to do with the tune on the left hand side page! Luckily by about the third verse I had picked up what the congregation were singing and could play something that more or less fitted it!

MORAL OF THIS SALUTORY TALE: Always get your hands on the music well before the service is due to start!

Monday 30 May 2011

Well and Truly Plastered!

No. This is not an admission that the Bentley Family are raving alcoholics!

It was today that Danny our plasterer came to do his part of the new kitchen work. His first job was to apply an adhesive bond to the exposed breeze blocks, so that when the rendering was applied to the walls it would create a firm bond. Once this had dried a first top coat of gypsum was then laid over the top of the rendering.

It is quite amazing how quickly something which resembled a bomb site began to look something like a room once again! Exposed breeze blocks disappeared, runs of wire in channels disappeared, and the backs of plug socets were neatly fittted into the top coat of gypsum plaster.

We look forward tomorrow to Danny giving the plaster a finishing top coat, and Bobby coming to fit new floorboards where they have been cut into,and then overlaying the floor with sheets of boarding, ready for the floorcovering to be fitted to the floor.


 The area where the Fridge Freezer, Oven, Microwave, Hob, Extractor Fan and Hood will be.


 The new sink unit and the washing machine will be fitted in here.


New wall units to be fitted above the plug socket base.





Sunday 29 May 2011

Sunday - Not Quite a Day of Rest

Bobby arrived late morning with Daniel, who will be doing the rendering and plastering. By coincidence Daniel used to live next door to us some years ago.

Bobby has sealed all the floorboards to the skirtings, so there should be no icy blasts blowing into the kitchen during windy weather now!

Tomorrow, if the weather remains decent we hope to visit the cuckoo festival, which is held annually at Austwick.

The plan of action  in the kitchen, whilst we are away, is for Daniel to render and top coat the walls and for Bobby to work round him, probably fitting floorboards where necessary, and also fitting boarding on top of the floorboards, so that the floor will then be ready to have a floorcovering laid when the kitchen has been fitted.

Saturday 28 May 2011

The Day of the Sparks

Hannah came up first thing this morning and with the help of Bobby's steam wallpaper stripper she has removed all the wallpaper and ceiling paper. Thanks Hannah!


Today it was the turn of the electricians to do their preliminary work. Old wiring had to be taken out, some plug sockets removed, and new plug sockets fitted. The phone cables, which had previously been tacked around the edge  of the pantry door frames have now been sunk into a channel, and when the plastering is compelted there will be no more unsightly wires on show. The old British Telecom wires have also been removed.


 New wiring in place. The white cables which run horizontally are for the phone.


Reading from left to right: the cable running vertically is the extension cable for the upstairs phones. The cable running to the box on the wall (to the left of the old hatch) is for the Fridge/Freezer, Oven and Microwave. The cable coming through the right hand side of the hatch is for the power to the under wall unit lighting, and the cable to the right of that is for the hood lighting and extractor fan.


Cable for two wall sockets and under wall unit lighting.


 Another view of the majority of the new wiring!


and through all the hammering, drilling and banging our chocolate friend has sat on her bed placidly hoping it would all go away! The fact that she is not allowed into the kitchen, has to go for walks via the front door and generally has had her life disrupted she has just taken in her stride! It has had its rewards. All the workmen have made a great fuss of her, and the plumber has an 11 month old Beagle pup called Milly, who has enjoyed having a romp in the back garden with Ruby!

Friday 27 May 2011

There It Was Gone!

KROD (Kitchen Rip Out Day) commenced as planned. Bobby arrived and within minutes the kitchen units were being rmoved from the walls, followed by a vast amount of chipping, as the wall tiles were removed. The the base units were taken apart and removed to the skip. The dummy walls and the tiles covering them were removed too.

By dinnertime, Seb (the plumber) and his apprentice had arrived and then commenced more banging and chipping, as floor boards were uplifted and channels dug into the external walls. New water pipes were fitted where the sink used to be, and a new stop cock fitted to the internal cold water supply. The hot and cold water pipes which were originally boxed in were taken out, a channel dug into the wall, and new pipes fitted in this channel, so when the work is completed there will be no ugly box running the full height of the external wall.

At teatime Geoff (the electrician) called round to assess what was needed in the way of wiring, sockets, under unit lighting etc. and he and Bobby will be returning tomorrow to continue with the work.

Sunday will probably see new floorboards fitted and skirtings and architraves too, then there will be sealing of the skirtings to the floorboards.

On Monday we are due for a visit from Daniel (the plasterer) who will be rendering the walls and then top skimming them.

Now You See It - Now You Don't. A selection of Before & During Pictures



When we first moved into the houe 40+ years ago, there was a serving hatch through the wall, where the glass storage jars are.


 Removal of the wall tiles revealed the hatch!



There used to be a sink here!


To the left of this wall unit is the box section which concealed the hot and cold water pipes.


Here are the pipes channelled into the wall.


A close up of the new pipework under the place where the new sink will be situated.

Return of the Camper

I understand that the birthday boy is due to return today. Tell him we will be visitng sometime this afternoon/teatime ish.

Kitchen - All the Latest News

STOP PRESS: 7.40 a.m.  Cottingley. The skip has arrived, and after careful manouvering has been dumped on the drive. We await the arrival of Bobby!

Thursday 26 May 2011

It's KROD tomorrow!

Our friendly joiner has just returned from the sun kissed shores of the Canaries, and he rang me tonight to confirm that he will be starting to rip out the old kitchen tomorrow at about 08.30.

(Oh! by the way, for the uninitiated amongst you KROD = Kitchen Rip Out Day)

We are expecting a large builders skip to be arriving about 08.00, although as the skip firm managed to try and deliver it a month early, and then told me that they would deliver it a month later (which just happened to be the Bank Holiday Monday - and when I phoned them to ask if they really did work on Bank Holiday Monday, the lady seemed somewhat surprised when I said that they had said that they would be delivering me a skip on Monday 30th May!) So I await tomorrow morning 08.00 with baited breath!

Most of today has been spent clearing all the cupboards out. We now have a kitchen which is completely devoid of anything! The fridge freezer is sitting in the middle of the kitchen, awaiting transportation to the garage, where it will live until the new fridge freezer is in situ.

A plumber and an electrician are also scheduled to visit sometime tomorrow to work out what will be required of them, then a plasterer will follow up their work before the new kitchen can be fitted. I am reliably informed that these wonderful workmen will be working through the weekend.

Mealtimes (or the contents of the meals) will be a little bit hit and miss, due to the fact that apart from frozen food, which is in the freezer, all other kinds of food has been stowed at the four points of the compass, and it will really be a case of we'll eat what we can find!

Somewhere along the lines we will be reduced to a microwave, a kettle and a toaster so there could be some interesting and different meals about to be launched  - anyone for Ovaltine and pears on toast?

Wednesday 25 May 2011

OBITUARY NOTICES

This blog should really be surrounded with a thick black border!

It is with heavy hearts and tearful eyes that the Bentley family will be wishing farewell for ever to their beloved kitchen! It has served us well over the last twenty odd years, but has now reached the time when it sadly will have to be consigned to the Community Care Home for Contented Kitchens.

We have been assured that it will be treated with the greatest respect and care by the nurses and care staff at the home, and receive regular visits and medical check ups from the resident GP. It will no doubt be receving a Royal Birthday Greeting when it reaches its century!

Those of you of a mathematical bent will be delighted to know that on average it has produced at least 730 breakfasts a year, and over its lifetime will have produced in excess of 14,600 breakfasts, as well as a similar number of assorted dinners, teas and other meals!

The oven (a Belling) has only needed two heating element replacements in that time, whilst the grill continues to work to full capacity, needing no doctors visits or hospitalisation! The gas hobs have similarly needed no extra care. 

Take a last look. By this time next week it will have gone........








Farewell old friend!

Monday 23 May 2011

Strange Things Can Happen at Weddings These Days


The Ultimate Bridal Dress (for your dog)




I recently played for a wedding at a high class and pricey landed estate (which shall be nameless - just in case anyone wants to take out a super injunction against me), where the Vicar who was in charge told me that because the church was part of an estate, he found himself responsible for clearing up and cleaning away confetti after any weddings. He reckoned that he had probably spent in the region of 30 hours doing this during the last year!

Then, the Good Lord inspired him. Wondering how he could stop all the mess from the confetti, he was looking on e Bay one day when he saw a Bubble Machine up for bids. He put in a bid and was successful. So now when the newly married couple walk down the aisle, as they go under the West Gallery, they are showered with bubbles!

It just so happened that the good lady of the household had decided to accompany me to this wedding, and the vicar saw her, and, knowing her through a mutual friend, said "I've got a job for you." It turned out that she was required to operate the Bubble Machine.

She is now known as "Bubbles Bentley."

I was playing at another wedding for this Vicar and before the ceremony we got talking about starnge things that happen at weddings and he recounted the time he had an owl as a "guest" at a wedding.

The idea was that the owl would swoop in, and fly down the aisle with the rings in a small box attached to it. Not being too sure of the behaviour of the owl, he requested that the handler attend the church before the service so that he could have a dummy run (should that be fly?). The owl was released from the back of the church, and flew straight to the handler.....unfortunately it left a trail of you know what straight down the centre aisle!

I have a wedding to play in the not too distant future, and on the sheet I get sent from the office I noticed it said "Lily, their dog will be at the wedding" I saw the bride to be a couple of weeks ago, when she came to choose the music and hymns she would be having at her wedding and I asked what role the dog would be playing....(thinking about a pile of doggy poo down the centre aisle!) but it seems that the dog is just coming as a guest, and doesn't have a starring role.

I did just happen to mention the story I had been told by a verger who also had a dog attend a wedding, and the dog was not too happy when the organ struck up. It seems that the harmonics given off by certain organ stops affect the dogs ears, and it howled throughout the whole of the service!

I have suggested that the bride to be brings her dog to church one Sunday after the service and we see how it reacts to the organ playing!

I thought I'd come across everything that could happen at weddings until I discovered the website "The Dog Bowl", which caters for Wedding Outfits for dogs!


You'd never guess - Its an American organisation!

Super Injunctions - the Law is an Ass!

Isn't it wonderful how a bit of scandal catches the eyes and ears of Joe Public?

I have been following the saga of the super injunctions for the last week, and quite honestly my thoughts are that the law has become something of an ass over its handling of the recent affair. I Imogen that the lady in question is not too happy that her name has been dragged through the media whilst the character who we will refer to as "Saving Private ----" has (almost) managed to keep his name out of the public domain.

After the original super injunction it seemed that we were not going to find out his name by any legitimate means, (and certainly not from any of the newspapers) until a few souls in the know decided to use Twitter to hint very broadly at who he was. It was then that he decided to use his muscle (should that be money?) and try and threaten all those who had put his name forward on Twitter.

But this time the threats of super injunctions really backfired on him. As a result of his threats and pending action, Twitter is now awash with items naming him!

I really enjoyed the Scottish Sunday Herald's slant on things. Because they only publish in Scotland, and Scottish Law is different to English Law they have taken the stance that they cannot be sued for publishing the name of the footballer involved! Good on them I say!

I saw a lovely comment from one person who suggested he should save his skills for scoring on the football pitch not with the ladies!

Friday 20 May 2011

Here We Go Again!

OH WHAT A HAPPY IMAGE!




Read on to find out more............


Looking through the bookings in my diary for next week what do I see?

[You're not going to believe this!]

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Four Funerals and a Wedding yet again!

Monday 23rd - Funeral at Pudsey
Wednesday 25th - Funeral at Pudsey
Thursday 26th - Funeral at Nab Wood Crem
Friday 27th - Funeral at Nab Wood Crem
Sat 28th - Wedding at Bingley

I even have a funeral booked for the week afterwards (on Tuesday 31st!)

These days I tend to wake up in the morning and my first thoughts are "Is it a Funeral or Wedding?" hastily followed by "Where is it at?", "What time is it due to start?" and "What hymns/music do I need?"

I mentioned to one of the funeral directors that I was "Up to my ears in funerals" and his comment was "Well, you'd better stop killing them off before you're discovered!"

Thursday 19 May 2011

A Blast from the Past!

One of the things about being a teacher is that you never really know exactly how you have touched the lives of the pupils in your care. This was brought home to me quite forcibly last week.


 Rachel Knight & her eldest daughter Sophie



Michelle Waller & her daughter Holly

I have a facebook account - originally to obtain some wedding photos of Hannah and Ben which had been posted on Facebook, but also to keep in touch with what the three daughters get up to!

Last week one of my ex pupils from 25 years ago discovered my facebook page, and got in touch with me. She asked if she could pass on my contact details to another ex pupil who was setting up a "closed group" of Bierley C of E First School - Class of '86.

The result of me being entered on to the Bierley C of E Frst School - Class of '86 page, is that suddenly I have had a host of e mails from nearly half the class members, all asking how I was and wanting to know what I was doing since they had left the school. One of the interesting things is that nearly all the letters addressed me as "Sir" - In fact both Rachel and Michelle (see photos above) said they felt they couldn't address me as anything else!

I replied direct to each of them and in each case got a long and interesting e mail back from them telling me what they had done with their lives and all about their families. The thing that really impressed me about both of them was their very sensible attitude to work, family life and, in each case their acceptance of family responsibilities.

I was asked if I knew what had happened to the school bell after the school closed, and Michelle related a story I used to tell the choir about a deaf little mouse that sat behind the clock in the hall, and how they had to look up and sing to it! She told me her daughter has just completed her grade three singing at high school, and she tells her all about the deaf little mouse.

Just as an interesting little aside, nearly all the ex pupils mentioned how much they had enjoyed their time at Bierley C of E First School, and there were even thanks from some of them for the education they received.



This was a photo of the School Nativity play they both took part in. Rachel is taking the part of Mary, and Michelle is the angel in the back row (left) with the star behind her head

Saturday 14 May 2011

Four Funerals and a Wedding

It looks like another fun filled week next week....

Wednesday 18th Funeral at Nab Wood
Thursday 19th Funeral at Rawdon Crem
Friday 20th Funeral at Bingley
Monday 23rd Funeral at  Pudsey

Oh! There is a ray of sunshine amongst all the doom and gloom - a Wedding on Saturday 21st at Hazelwood Castle

Thursday 12 May 2011

Another Excting Two Weeks

Having read "Wife in the North's" last blog - where she is doing some tutoring on blogging at Newcastle Uni, I have followed her advice - "If you have nothing to say - don't blog!"

Well I now have something to say - so here goes. The main reason I have not been blogging for the last few days is that there have been all sorts of diversions.

Consulting the diary I see that on Sunday 1st and Monday 2nd May we had Mollie sleeping with us, due to the fact that Rachel had joined Garry in Dubai.
I took Mollie and Dot down to the railway station on Monday and they spent the day in Harrogate, then later on, after tea time I had to go and collect them.

On Tuesday I had a couple of funerals to play for, and as they were in quick succession it meant that the first one had to clear the church quite quickly before the second funeral party could get in. Needless to say the first funeral was late in arriving which could have caused chaos, but luckily the vicar taking the service (who will remain anonymous) managed to get through the service in record time yet still gave the impression that the service was relaxed!

Before going to the funerals I had arranged with Dot that she would go down to Crossflatts to pick Tom up because I knew that there would be very little time between the end of the second funeral and Tom finishing school, so as soon as the second funeral had finished I dashed off to Crossflattts - the idea being that both Tom and Dot would be there. I arrived 2 minutes before Tom came out of school - but no Dot. We hung around for 15 minutes and still no sign of her. I had arranged that after picking Tom up we would go back to Rachels house to collect Mollie and then up to the airport to collect Rachel. A quick phone call from Mollie to Dot and we discovered that her lift had failed to arrive, so she had rung the school and asked them to inform me and Tom that she wouldn't be there. The message had not been passed on!

So there followed a dash to Cottingley to collect Dot, a dash back to Rachel's house to deposit cases, schoolbags etc. and then a dash up to the airport. Just as I was parking I saw the KLM flight landing - not bad timing after all the chaos!!!

After returning Mollie,Tom & Rachel home, Dot and I got back and there was a call from Sarah. Could I take her up the St Luke's Hospital next morning as she had got a cancelled appointment to have the injections in her shoulder, she wasn't allowed to drive afterwards, and could I collect her six hours later?

Thursday, lo and behold I had another funeral to play for, and a wedding to play for at 4.00 pm on Saturday. The usual service at Church on Sunday morning, and then we were round to Monday.

Dot had discovered that one of the shirts she had bought in Harrogate on the previous Monday had not had the security tag taken off it, and I was reluctant to try to get it off in case I damaged the shirt, so that called for a trip to Harrogate.

I had my usual Male Voice Choir practice to take on Monday evening, but getting into the car to go to the practice I noticed that Dot's glasses case was on the floor in front of her seat. Her glasses had been stood on and were bent at a crazy angle, so that meant a trip to Skipton on Tuesday to get them repaired.

We took Phoebe, our next door neighbour's little girl with us, and when we arrived back home, all her family were sat up the drive in their car, waiting for us, so that we could join them in a meal at the Dalesway.

I had had to cancel my visit to Skipton TIC on Wednesday as I was giving a talk to the Crossflatts over 50's club.

I was hoping things might calm down a bit by Thursday, but no such luck - I got a message from the local undertakers requesting that I play for a funeral at the crem at 8.50 am on Friday morning!

If I survive until next year I'm thinking of hibernating!!!