A Bit of Light Hearted Relief in the Election

Michael Weatheritt UKIP

As those of you who know me and follow this blog will know, I am a follower of the blog "Wife in the North" At the moment the blog is covering the election but from a much more interesting viewpoint than the usual ones seen on television or in the newspapers.

To give you a little taster......



Michael Weatheritt is the UKIP candidate for Berwick upon Tweed. One of his main policies is to get a crematorium for the area. His reason for this is that as the nearest one is at Blyth (some 30 odd miles away) and to get there you have to cross the main East Coast line, a funeral party can be split up when the level crossing barriers come down.

I'm sure all the 90+ year olds in Berwick will be rushing out to vote for him!

His CV includes....



Captain of the school cricket team (at 15).Vice Captain of the football team.

(He is 60 years old by the way!)

Founder member of the Alnwick Pie Club.

Famous for his Steak and Ale Pie.



With policies and credentials like these he must be a sure fire winner!



There I was under the mistaken assumption that Screamin' Lord Sutch and his Monster Raving Loony Party were the only ones with laughable policies and CV's.

Everytime I Open my Mouth I Put My Foot In It!

Gordon Brown taking to Mrs Gillian Duffy of Rochdale

Gordon Brown's reaction on hearing the tape of his jibe played back to him

Oh Dear Oh Dear. Gordon has really shot himself in the foot this time!

After being confronted by 65 years old Gillian Duffy in Rochdale, who played a pretty straight bat and gave him some awkward questions to answer, he climbed into his car and was overheard to say............

"That was a disaster

They should never have put me with that woman. Whose idea was that?

It's Sue I think. It's just ridiculous

(Another Voice) What did she say?

Everything. Shes just a sort of bigoted woman that said she used to be Labour.

I mean it's ridiculous."

Well Gordon you've really shown yourself in your true colours this time!

Macey and Pixie pay me a Visit

Hi there folks! It's Ruby here again.

I had two surprise visitors to see me today. Both Macey and Pixie called round and stayed for most of the day.

His Lordship took a few photos of us in the back garden which I thought you might like to see.

Macey adopts the "Inscrutible Japanese" look


I kept a close eye on the proceedings to make sure that things didn't get out of hand.

Pixie posing for the camera

The three of us relaxing after a busy morning

Macey playing "King of the Castle"

Three Funerals and a Wedding

Having spent yesterday morning at an organist colleague's funeral, the afternoon playing for a funeral at Nab Wood, and then returned home to open the mail. I found a letter from my cousin's wife informing me that he had died. Not a memorable start to Monday you could say.

On a serious note Dot and I got round to discussing the different stages of life (all very deeply philosophical!), and we came to the conclusion that the first stage is when you and friends are getting married. This is followed a few years later by invitations to a spate of Christenings. Then there is 40th/50th/60th birthdays in and amongst their chldren's weddings, and all this is followed up by a spate of funerals.

Cavendish Pavilion

On a more cheerful note I can report that the flowers for Hannah and Ben's Wedding Reception have now all been sorted out, and we have learnt that the Cavendish Pavilion is in the process of having a complete refurbishment - new wallpaper, carpets etc. In future the waiters and waitresses will be dressed in little black numbers (well, the waitresses will!)

Less Than Four Months to Go!

Yesterday afternoon Ben and Hannah called round, initially to exercise their dogs (and Ruby!) in the field, and all three of them had a great race around chasing a tennis ball.

They (Hannah and Ben) stayed for some cheese and biscuits, and then I suggested that we get down to the serious business of choosing hymns and music for their wedding.

David, my deputy organist had asked me what I thought they would be choosing, (I think he was hoping it wouldn't be anything too difficult!) and so after playing through most of my Wedding Music repertoire, decisions were made for the music for the Entry of the Bride, the Signing of the Registers, and the Exit of the Bride and Groom.

The choices were quite refreshing, all classical and just a little bit different. One of the pieces I have never played at a wedding or had a request for!

Hymns were chosen too. As Hannah hasn't said wether or not she wants anyone to know what she has chosen its all "under wraps" at the moment! You'll just have to wait and see!

I have notified David, my deputy, and he has already made a special arrangement of one of the pieces they have chosen.

PS I understand today is "D Day" for the choice of flowers at the reception. Hannah and Mum are visiting the lady who does the flower arrangements for the Cavendish Pavilion. As she lives quite near Nana 2 they are also planning on dropping in to see her as well!

I've also spoken to the printers who will be printing the Wedding Invitations and they tell me a sample with the wording we have chosen has been posted to me on Friday, so that should be arriving today. When I approve that and send it back I should have the invitations in my hands within seven days!

The Thirty Nine Steps

I was in a charity shop last week, and for the greatly reduced price of £2.99 I purchased the 4 CD Set story of John Buchan's "The Thirty Nine Steps."

For many years I have enjoyed watching the 1935 black and white film, directed by Alfred Hitchcock and starring Robert Donat and Madeleine Carroll.



I was therefore somewhat surprised to discover that the story contains no mention of the girl played by Madeleine Carroll, or a "Mr Memory", who, in the film is the man who divulges the secret of the "Thirty Nine Steps."

Nevertheless the story was still an exciting and enjoyable espionage tale!

There have been two remakes of the film. One starring Kenneth More and the other starring Robert Powell, but the original Hitchcock one is by far the most preferable.

Three Pints of Guiness

Where would we be without the Irish? Here's another of those whimsical Irish Tales.

Patrick walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guiness and sits in the corner of the room, drinking a sip out of each pint in turn. When he had finished all three pints he went back to the bar and ordered three more.

The barman says, "You know a pint goes flat soon after I pull it. Your pint would taste much better if you bought one at a time."

Patrick replies, "Well I have two brothers, one in America and the other in Australia and here I am in Dublin. When we all left home we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we all drank together."

The barman admits that this is a nice custom, and says no more.

Patrick becomes a regular customer and always drinks the same way, ordering three pints and always taking a sip out of each in turn, until they are finished.

One day he comes in and orders just two pints. All the other regulars in the bar notice and fall silent.

When he goes back to the bar for the second round, the barman says,"I don't want to intrude in your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss."

Patrick looks confused for a moment, then the penny drops and he starts to laugh. "Oh no" Bejesus, everyone is fine. 'Tis me.....................................

I've quit drinking!"

A Day in the Garden

There was a slight frost on all the car roof tops this morning, but once the sun came up it soon disappeared and we had another lovely spring day. Ruby made the most of it by sunbathing (as usual) on the lawn.

She was entertained by our next door neighbour coming round and fishing for some frog spawn in our pond, as he had cleaned his pond out and not got any frog spawn. A little later she was entertained by me pruning the lilac tree which had become quite tall and in need of a trim. Still later the cavity wall crew came to fill a hole they had forgotten to fill, and as they were eating a beefburger sandwich each you can imagine Ruby's reaction. First came the pathetic look, followed by the "I'm a poor starving hungry dog look", and then the careful scrutiny of each mouthful as the two lads ate their burger sandwiches.

There are still quite a few spring flowers and plants around. These are in the wall garden at the side of the drive.

These tiny flowers are in a bed in the back garden, by the retaining wall.

In the wall garden at the side of the drive.

The results of the lilac pruning.

A very smart lilac tree!

Parents & Children + Latest News of the Kittens

Yesterday I received an e mail from a friend. It was called “Parent of the Year” and showed some funny pictures of what parents get up to with their children.

Lets have a look at some of the funny ones…….

Like Father Like Son!


How many times have you said "He/She looks tasty enough to eat?????

I'll bet there's more than the odd parent been tempted to do this!
















A Tasty Little Dish

THE LATEST NEWS ON THE KITTENS...........

When Hannah got home yesterday she found Dolly downstairs and the kittens were nowhere to be found! They were obviously somewhere in the house but where? A quick search revealed no clues, but then by stopping and listening carefully a scraping noise was heard coming from the bedroom, which is one floor up from where they had been when Hannah left for work.

Closer investigation soon revealed that Dolly had carried them upstairs and deposited them in Hannah's underwear drawer for safe keeping!

As the kittens are beginning to open their eyes, and Dolly wants to keep them under control the obvious answer was to keep them in a confined space from which they couldn't escape! Now the fun will start!!

Dolly and the Dogs

Just a few more photos of Dolly and her offspring. They are now one week old.

Note the protective paw!


Or is it just to keep the kitten in order?

Snuggle Time

If all else fails just lie on them!

Macey begging - Don't forget me

Pixie pretending not to be interested!

Proud New Mum and her Kittens

Here it is! The scoop none of the other blogs have got!

As promised a few days ago, here are some photos (taken on Hannah’s mobile phone) of Dolly and her kittens. The 2 tabby ones are males and the 2 black ones are females.

They have originally been given the temporary names of Mozart, Debussy, Beethoven and Sibelius!

Proud new mum feeding her brood



It's a strange and bewildering world when you haven't yet opened your eyes!

A Day Out at Downham

Today is a very auspicious day. If you’ve no idea why, it’s no good looking today’s date up in any of the standard reference books – you won’t find any mention of it in them! You are about to learn something which “not a lot of people know that” It is exactly one year today since I started this blog!

It’s another Sunday afternoon, so we took another trip out in the car. The problem was that we have recently visited Thirk and Helmsley, Pateley Bridge, Ramsgill & Lofthouse, Settle, Ribblehead, Wensleydale, Aysgarth, Kettlewell, etc. etc, so there was only one direction left with some country scenery in it and that was to go towards Lancashire!

We took the road to Colne and then turned off at Barrowford and headed for Downham. Downham is a pretty little village which gained fame some years ago when the film Whistle Down the Wind was filmed there.

We stopped for a meal at the Assheton Arms in the centre of the village. Dot had a Vegtarian Tagliatelle and I had a traditional Lancashire Hot Pot, complete with mushy peas! The food was served piping hot and was very tasty.

We then had a wander round the village, pausing to call in at the Post Office,

and the Church.

There are some magnificent views of Pendle Hill from the churchyard.

This is the part of the world famed for the Lancashire Witches, and I even found one by a grave in the churchyard!

We then drove on through the Lancashire coutryside and eventually headed towards Barnoldswick. On the way we saw some intriguing sights, as well as some signs of Spring!