A local Reverend told me the following (supposedly) true story.
A head teacher at a church school called St Cuthbert’s used to always answer the phone with these words:- "Head of St Cuthbert's here". He was transferred to a failing church school one day, to assist in its recovery. Now this church school was dedicated to John the Baptist. On his very first morning he picked up the phone and, with his usual phrase said "Head of John the Baptist here!" The response he got from the vicar at the other end of the phone was "On a platter I presume!"
Parish Magazines can be an endless source of entertainment. The following have been collected from church magazines up and down the country:-
The Fasting & Prayer Conference will include meals.
The Fasting & Prayer Conference will include meals.
The sermon this morning: 'Jesus walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus".
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM. Prayer and medication to follow.
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM. Prayer and medication to follow.
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
This evening at 7.00 pm there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10.00 am. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
The year eights will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
Weight Watchers will meet at 7.00pm at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
This being Easter Sunday, Mrs Jones will come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.'
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