It's at Times Like This That the Christmas Spirit Disappears

Today was a bit of a change from the pre Christmas celebrations. I spent the day doing my voluntary work at the Tourist Information Centre.

During the course of the morning a couple came in to the shop to ask if we could help them. They had inserted the correct amount of money into the parking ticket machine to obtain four hours parking, but the machine was not feeling in the least in the Christmas spirit and issued them with a ticket for just under two hours. They were concerned that the warden would ticket them.

I explained to them that we could circumvent the problem, and phoned the nice gentleman in the town hall who deals with problem parking meters, and explained to him what had happened. “Don’t worry!” he said, “just give me the make and registration number of the car and I will inform the warden not to ticket them”. I duly supplied him with this information and after coming off the phone assured the couple that they could enjoy their stay and be free from any worries about receiving a parking ticket.

Some four hours later the gentleman appeared in the Tourist Information Centre with a parking ticket in his hand! His main concern was that he had never broken the law or ever received any tickets during his years of motoring. I once again phoned the man at the Town Hall and told him what had happened. Once again he asked me for the details of the car, and assured me that he had informed the car park attendant not to ticket the car. He asked me to tell the driver concerned not to worry as he would deal with the problem.

I once again reassured the driver that the nice man in the Town Hall would deal with the problem, but suggested he kept the parking ticket and note (should any further problems arise), and away he went.

All this makes me wonder why I needed to supply the car make and registration again to the nice man in the Town Hall, as I had already supplied him with the details four hours previously. Had he actually notified the parking warden, or was it that the parking warden a) had no memory, or b) could not read the registration plate of the car or c) was it that he wouldn’t get his Christmas bonus unless he issued a certain number of tickets?

Nativity Plays - More Red Tape

Two Nativity Plays down and two to go! How the times have changed. The Nursery and Reception classes were in no way phased by a hall full of people (Mums, Dad’s, Grandads & Grandmas etc.) Before the performances commenced there was a battery of flashes going off, and I now know what it must feel like to be pursued by the paparazzi! Lined up along the rear of the hall was another battery of video cameras! So much the price of fame!

Before the play commenced, the head teacher made the usual announcements – don’t forget to switch your mobile phones off. If there is a fire alarm please leave by the doors at the rear of the hall. No photography during the performance.

Then came one or two notices I hadn’t heard before.

Please ensure that you have signed the photography register if you take any photographs.

There will be time at the end of the performance to take photographs of the children, but please wait until we remove those children whose parents do not wish them to be photographed.

If you want to publish your photographs on the web, please make sure that they are only of your own children.

It’s rather sad that these last three announcements have to be made, but I suppose it covers the school in these litigious times, if anyone wants to try to sue them because their child’s photograph has been taken without their consent.

'Tis The Season to be Jolly (Unless You Have to Follow Government Guidelines!)

Well the Christmas Season is upon us! Playing the piano for one of the local primary schools means we are into the nativity play season. Two today and a further two on Thursday, which means by my reckoning that Mary will have had no less than four immaculate conceptions! Is this a record?

The infants performed a wonderful little Nativity Play called the Nursery Rhyme Nativity – where all the songs words are written to fit Nursery Rhymes. However it was felt that we must also have one or two of the more traditional, and expected Christmas Songs and carols, so woven into the musical plot we also have “Away in a Manger”, “Jingle Bells” and “We Wish You a Merry Christmas.”






This is fine as long as we don’t take too much notice of the Guidelines I received via e mail from a friend the other day.


Jingle Bells:

Dashing through the snow
In a one horse open sleigh
O'er the fields we go
Laughing all the way

A risk assessment must be submitted before an open sleigh is considered safe for members of the public to travel on. The risk assessment must also consider whether it is appropriate to use only one horse for such a venture, particularly if passengers are of larger proportions.

Please note, permission must be gained from landowners before entering their fields. To avoid offending those not participating in celebrations, we would request that laughter is moderate only and not loud enough to be considered a noise nuisance.

To quote the words of another Christmas Song "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas!""Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas!"

Christmas Turkey

A couple of blogs back I mentioned Christmas Food, and in particular the peacock becoming less popular due to the sailor William Strickland’s introduction into England of the turkey.

Below you will find an amusing little ditty I came across a few years ago, which just shows how economical (and inventive) you can be if you really put your mind to it when it comes to using up the left over turkey.


THE TWELVE DAYS OF TURKEY

On the first day of Christmas
My true love said to me
I’m glad we bought a fresh turkey
And a proper Christmas Tree

On the second day of Christmas
Much laughter could be heard
As we tucked into our turkey
- A most delicious bird

On the third day we entertained
The people from next door
The turkey tasted just as good
As it had the day before

On the fourth day relations came
Poor Gran is looking old
We finished off the Christmas Pud
And ate the turkey cold

On the fifth day of Christmas
Outside the snowflakes flurried
But we were nice and warm inside
We ate the turkey curried!



Turkey Curry



On the sixth day I must admit
The Christmas spirit died
The children fought and squabbled
And we had turkey rissoles fried

On the seventh day of Christmas
My true love she did wince
As we sat down at the table
To a plate of turkey mince

Turkey Mince

On the eighth day our nerves were frayed
The dog had run for shelter
I served up turkey pancakes
And a glass of Alka Seltzer

Turkey Pancakes

On the ninth day the cat left home
By lunch time Dad was blotto
He said he had to have a drink
To face turkey risotto

Turkey Risotto

On the tenth day the booze was done
Except our home made brew
And if that wasn’t bad enough
We suffered turkey stew

Turkey Stew


On the eleventh day of Christmas
The Christmas Tree was moulting
The mince pies were as hard as rock
And the turkey was revolting

On the twelfth day my true love
Had a smile upon her lips
The guests were gone – the turkey too
We dined on Fish and chips!

Fish and Chips



Do enjoy your Christmas Dinner, and the meals which follow!!

The Perils of Nativity Plays......

I don't know if you have heard Mike Harding's tale about school Nativity Plays, or seen Gervaise Phinn on the Alan Titchmarsh show this week, when he too was talking about Infant Nativity Plays, but both were hilariously funny and accurately observed pieces. If you get the chance, try to hear Mike Hardings version, which is called Quasimodo meets the Virgin Mary, or get hold of the DVD of Gervaise Phinn telling of his experiences of infants and Nativity Plays. I promise you that you will never watch a Nativity Play and view it in the same light again!

This being the time when we are rapidly approaching the Season of peace on earth, goodwill to all men, I have tried in vain to resist the urge to poke fun at the politically correct brigade, but when the following arrived via e mail I had to share it with you all!

We are just about at the time when Nativity Plays get into gear, I thought you might be interested in the following guidelines for those about to put on a Nativity Play……….


Nativity Performances: Please follow guidelines for inclusion of any of the songs below

The Rocking Carol:

Little Jesus, sweetly sleep, do not stir;

We will rock you, rock you, rock you,

We will rock you, rock you, rock you:

Fur is no longer appropriate wear for small infants, both due to risk of allergy to animal fur, and for ethical reasons. Therefore faux fur, a nice cellular blanket or perhaps micro-fleece material should be considered a suitable alternative.

Please note, only persons who have been subject to a Criminal Records Bureau check and have enhanced clearance will be permitted to rock baby Jesus. Persons must carry their CRB disclosure with them at all times and be prepared to provide three forms of identification before rocking commences.

Jingle Bells:

Dashing through the snow

In a one horse open sleigh

O'er the fields we go

Laughing all the way

A risk assessment must be submitted before an open sleigh is considered safe for members of the public to travel on. The risk assessment must also consider whether it is appropriate to use only one horse for such a venture, particularly if passengers are of larger proportions.

Please note, permission must be gained from landowners before entering their fields. To avoid offending those not participating in celebrations, we would request that laughter is moderate only and not loud enough to be considered a noise nuisance.

While Shepherds Watched:

While shepherds watched their flocks by night

All seated on the ground

The angel of the Lord came down

And glory shone around

The union of Shepherd's has complained that it breaches health and safety regulations to insist that shepherds watch their flocks without appropriate seating arrangements being provided, therefore benches, stools and orthopaedic chairs are now available. Shepherds have also requested that due to the inclement weather conditions at this time of year that they should watch their flocks via cctv cameras from centrally heated shepherd observation huts.

Please note, the angel of the lord is reminded that before shining his / her glory all around she / he must ascertain that all shepherds have been issued with glasses capable of filtering out the harmful effects of UVA, UVB and Glory.

Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer:

Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer

Had a very shiny nose.

And if you ever saw him,

You would even say it glows.

You are advised that under the Equal Opportunities for All policy, it is inappropriate for persons to make comment with regard to the ruddiness of any part of Mr. R. Reindeer. Further to this, exclusion of Mr R Reindeer from the Reindeer Games will be considered discriminatory and disciplinary action will be taken against those found guilty of this offence. A full investigation will be implemented and sanctions - including suspension on full pay - will be considered whilst this investigation takes place.

Little Donkey:

Little donkey, little donkey

On the dusty road

Got to keep on plodding onwards

With your precious load

The RSPCA have issued strict guidelines with regard to how heavy a load that a donkey of small stature is permitted to carry, also included in the guidelines is guidance regarding how often to feed the donkey and how many rest breaks are required over a four hour plodding period.

Please note that due to the increased risk of pollution from the dusty road, Mary and Joseph are required to wear face masks to prevent inhalation of any airborne particles. The donkey has expressed his discomfort at being labelled 'little' and would prefer just to be simply referred to as Mr. Donkey. To comment upon his height or lack thereof may be considered an infringement of his equine rights.

We Three Kings:

We three kings of Orient are

Bearing gifts we traverse afar

Field and fountain, moor and mountain

Following yonder star

Whilst the gift of gold is still considered acceptable - as it may be redeemed at a later date through such organisations as 'cash for gold' etc, gifts of frankincense and myrrh are not appropriate due to the potential risk of oils and fragrances causing allergic reactions. A suggested gift alternative would be to make a donation to a worthy cause in the recipients name or perhaps give a gift voucher.

We would not advise that the traversing kings rely on navigation by stars in order to reach their destinations and suggest the use of RAC routefinder or satellite navigation, which will provide the quickest route and advice regarding fuel consumption. Please note as per the guidelines from the RSPCA for Mr Donkey, the camels carrying the three kings of Orient will require regular food and rest breaks. Facemasks for the three kings are also advisable due to the likelihood of dust from the camels hooves.

Away in a Manger No Crib for a bed - Inform Social services immediately.

And you thought putting on a Nativity Play was easy!

By the way! I see there is a film doing the rounds at the moment called "Nativity" which tells the story of a teacher who has (very reluctantly) got the job of producing the school Nativity Play. It has been recommended by the T & A Film Critic (amongst others) as good all round family entertainment. I haven't seen it yet, but plan to do so if the opportunity arises!

Christmas Customs & Traditions - Food Glorious Food

CHRISTMAS FOOD

I wonder if you have ever stopped to think why it has become traditional to eat certain foods over the Christmas period.

Every country that celebrates Christmas has its own special food, but probably none more so than the English! Preparation for the Christmas pudding usually starts on Rogation Sunday (often called Stir Up Sunday), when the collect begins with the words Stir Up O Lord - but it is referring to the wills of the people not the Christmas pudding! The Italians have a lovely saying to describe a person who is busy. They say, “He has more to do than the ovens of England at Christmas!”

We certainly seem to get through a vast variety of food over the Christmas period, but nothing like the quantity which was consumed during the middle Ages! Enormous feasts were prepared, and they usually commenced with a boars head, richly decorated, its mouth usually stuffed with an apple, and carried with great ceremony to the high table of the Lord of the manor.

There is even a Boars Head carol!
The boars head in hand bring I, Bedeck'd with bays and rosemary. I pray you, my masters, be merry Quot estis in convivio.

There was a huge change demanded by the Puritans when they ruled our country, and the order of Christmas Day was fasting – not feasting! You can imagine how unpopular this was, and when the King was restored there were great celebrations and much feasting yet again.

In many households pork was the main meat eaten at Christmas. This was due to the fact that the pigs had grown fat on the acorns and nuts they had foraged for during the autumn months. This was often followed by roast peacock.

It wasn’t until the first half of the sixteenth century that turkey was available in England. Turkeys first came from America, and it was a sailor, William Strickland, who first brought the birds into this country. By the end of the sixteenth century turkeys were being served at table. By the early seventeenth century they had replaced the peacock as the meat to eat at Christmas dinner.

Plum pudding is so called because long ago it contained prunes (which are dried plums). Today the prunes have been replaced with currants, raisins and sultanas, but the other ingredients (Suet, eggs, breadcrumbs and spices are still used.)

Mince pies used to be called mutton pies because they contained finely chopped or minced mutton as one of their main ingredients! We no longer use mutton, but shredded suet and other ingredients remain unchanged.

Traditionally mince pies were an oval shape which was to remind people of the manger in which Jesus was laid. An old book states that mince pies were eaten quietly as people were to think about the Baby Jesus! This is probably why people today make a silent wish when they take the first bite, and why others consider it unlucky to cut a mince pie!

Christmas Customs & Traditions (4)

CHRISTMAS CARDS

The tradition of sending Christmas Cards is relatively new. In fact prior to one hundred years ago you would probably not have seen any Christmas Cards! In the same way that Christmas presents took the place of New Year Gifts, Christmas Cards replaced the idea of New Year Cards.

Although New Year Cards only contained a greeting about the New Year they often contained a picture of the Baby Jesus. One of the first of these cards, printed in 1467, can now be seen in the British Museum. These New Year Cards became popular about the time of the invention of the printing press.

The first cards with Christmas greetings in them were published about 1900 in Germany. They often had snow scenes, holly or Nativity scenes on them.

SANTA CLAUS

In the 4th Century there were three sisters who didn’t have husbands because their father was too poor to provide them with a dowry. Legend tells us that kindly Bishop Nicholas brought them each a bar of gold as they slept.

In the Middle Ages Bishop Nicholas became the legendary saint who rewarded good Dutch children with presents. The Dutch nick named him Sinta Klaas. Dutch settlers took this tradition to America where he became known as Santa Claus (or Father Christmas.)

In the 19th century an American cartoonist Thomas Nast, drew the first drawing of Santa Claus as we know him today. His drawings revived another St Nicholas good deed. To avoid being seen he dropped a purse down the chimney and it fell into stockings hung by the fireside to dry. So now the Father Christmas Legend has come full circle!

At this point it would be appropriate to mention RUDOLF THE RED NOSED REINDEER

Tradition tells us that Rudolf is the ninth and lead reindeer who possesses an unusually red coloured nose that give off enough light to illuminate the sleighs path through inclement weather.

The story is owned by The Rudolph Company and has been sold in numerous forms, including as a popular song, a television special, and a feature film. Rudolph was created by Robert L May in 1939 as part of his employment with Montgomery Ward Character Arts.

Johnny Marks, who was Robert L May’s brother –in-law decided to adapt the story and published it as a song (Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer), which over the years has been recorded by many artists.

Oh! Just in case you have forgotten the names of the other eight reindeer, they are…..

Dasher and Dancer
And Prancer and Vixen,
Comet and Cupid
And Donner and Blitzen

Here Are The Results.....

St Fred’s Primary 1, Burts Community Primary 2
Brodwell Athletic Junior 3, Hamilton Academical Primary 5
Manchester United Junior & Infants 3, Chelsea Junior College 3


Did you read any of the school league tables yesterday? You could hardly avoid them!
The Yorkshire Post devoted three whole pages to the results, and I am sure they were not the only paper with that amount of coverage!

It is a sad indictment that the educational establishment is reduced to publishing something as meaningless and trivial as league tables. I thought league tables were only for footballers! Are our schools being measured in the same terms?

If you take a careful look at what is published it merely tells you that so many percent have achieved the required standard in English, Maths and Science, but what it doesn’t tell you are how those children have improved during their time in the particular school. This, surely, is the true measure which tells how well a school is performing.

When looking at these results, and also comparing those to previous years it is important to remember that from one year to another the overall abilities of the children can vary by a fairly significant amount. It would be simplistic to assume that because the percentage number has fallen from last year that the school is performing less well.

In an article in this morning’s Yorkshire Post Jayne Dowle puts forward a very well reasoned argument that the best way of judging a school is from the opinions of other parents, and even more accurately, from the number of people wanting to move into the school catchment area.

So if you really want to know how a school is performing, then there is no better means of discovery than consulting the local estate agents!

Christmas Customs & Traditions (3)

THE CHRISTMAS TREE

There is a widely held belief that the tradition of putting up a Christmas tree stems from the introduction of one into England by Prince Albert, but truth to tell the idea of a Christmas tree goes way back to the eighth century.

An old German legend tells how a Spruce Fir became the first Christmas tree.

A very holy man called Saint Boniface was sent from England to Germany to tell the pagans there about Jesus. One cold frosty night he was walking through the woods when he came upon a group of pagan worshippers. This was the special night when they made offerings to their pagan god, and they were about to make a human sacrifice! A little boy was being led forward and he was about to be tied to an oak tree as a human sacrifice. When Saint Boniface saw this he was incensed and grabbed a woodcutters axe and felled the oak tree. As it fell to the ground it left a little fir tree growing where its roots had been.

The saint turned to the assembled pagans and shouted “From this night this shall be your holy emblem,(pointing to the fir tree). It is the wood of peace, from which your houses are built. It is the sign of eternal life, for its leaves are green. It points to Heaven and shall henceforth be called the Tree of the Christ Child!”

ORNAMENTS & DECORATIONS

Today, at Christmas time we decorate our homes and workplaces with colourful streamers, balls, crackers, snowmen, stars, angels and ornaments made from all sorts of brightly coloured materials.
This wasn’t always the case. For hundreds of years pagans used the only available decorating material and that was evergreens. Christians took over the idea of using evergreens, but added a Christian meaning to the evergreens. (Holly reminded them of the crown of thorns placed on the head of Jesus, the red berries were a reminder of the drops of blood shed by Jesus when he had the crown of thorns forced on to his head. Mistletoe was the sign of love etc.)

When the Italians first made their Christmas Cribs strips of coloured cloth or paper were used to make them more attractive. In a similar way people eventually began decorating the evergreens with coloured ribbons.

From these traditions grew an industry which specialised in producing Christmas decorations, streamers, glass baubles, ribbons, crackers, stars, angels, snowmen, Santa Clauses etc.

GIFTS

Did you know that in most countries gifts ARE NOT given on Christmas Day, but on New Years Day! This harks back to the Romans tradition of giving presents at New Year. When they conquered another country, their traditions became part of that country’s culture

It is only in English and German speaking countries that the tradition of giving presents has been brought forward to Christmas Day. The idea of giving presents on Christmas Day was as a reminder of the gifts the Wise Men brought for Jesus

Christmas Customs & Traditions (2)

CHRISTMAS CAROLS

Traditionally we sing these at Christmas time. Today the meaning of the word carol is understood to be a hymn full of joy and happiness, but the word carol (or to give it its French spelling Carole) meant a dance, and in England the word meant a dance that was used to celebrate the shortest day of the year. Those pagans get in everywhere!

At the Christmas Crib which St Francis erected in Graecia in Italy, the people went home singing carols, so the tradition of street carolling began. Carols with words (as opposed to dances) were sung by minstrels in the halls of the great lords, and later by street singers. So today, the tradition is carried on in house to house carolling by groups of children or choirs!

EVERGREENS

Long before Jesus came on the scene, evergreens played an important part in the winter festivals. They were used as decorations in homes and in pagan shrines because they had a special “power” – their greenness showed they were alive when all other plants were dead.

In cold northern countries evergreens were hung to ward off evil spirits or fairy folk.

In warmer climates the evergreens were hung in honour of the god Saturn, who was the god of all growing things.

Mistletoe, holly and ivy had a special significance to pagans, for not only were they green in winter, but some of them bore berries as well. This tradition was taken over by Christians who attached Christian meanings to their use of the evergreens.

HOLLY

In Norway and Sweden the holly is known as the Christ-thorn. In Denmark it is called the Kristdorn. North Americans used the holly in their homes churches, and it is highly likely the word holly came from the English word Holy.

Christians will tell you that the holly is a holy tree because it reminds us of the death of Jesus. The prickles remind us of the crown of thorns and the red berries remind us of the blood that fell when the crown of thorns was pushed on his head.

A more recent custom, harking back to the American tradition of decorating of homes and churches with holly is the hanging of a holly wreath on the outside of a door. Many people in our country liked the idea and copied it.

MISTLETOE

There is a lovely old northern legend which explains why we hang up mistletoe at Christmas.

Balder was the Sun God, and he was so loved and respected by all the other Gods that they made a vow never to hurt, To ensure his safety they placed spells on all kinds of things so that he would not be harmed by them. For example, they placed a spell on water so that it would never be able to drown him. Arrows, spears, swords and poisons had spells put on them so that they could never kill him, but one of the things they forgot to put a spell on was the mistletoe.

Now it happened that there was an evil God called Loki, and he was jealous of the high esteem that Balder was held in, and he plotted to get rid of him. Loki discovered that the other gods hadn’t put a spell on mistletoe, so he fashioned a spear from a mistletoe branch. He put the spear into the hand of the blind god Hoder, and pointed him in the direction of Balder, telling him to throw the spear. Once it struck Balder it killed him instantly. The other gods were so saddened by the event that the conspired to bring Balder back to life and the mistletoe promised never to harm anyone again. So mistletoe became the symbol of love.

Christians were taught to love others as they would themselves, so mistletoe was taken over as their symbol of love. To remember this they kissed under the mistletoe, and so we now have the tradition of kissing under the mistletoe at Christmastime.

Christmas Customs & Traditions

Only three weeks and three days to Christmas Day!

I wonder if you know any of the stories behind how we get such things as Holly, Ivy, Mistletoe, Christmas Trees, candles, the turkey, etc involved in the Christmas Story. The reason I ask, is that I get called upon to give one on my talks illustrated with music called “Christmas Customs and Traditions” at this time of year.

LIGHT AND CANDLES

If you think about it, one of the things that we associate with the Christmas season is light. Many people illuminate their homes, both inside and outside with lights. We decorate our Christmas trees with “Fairy Lights.” Once upon a time these were not fairy lights, but candles! Go into most churches over the Christmas period and you will no doubt see candles lit in the churches. Indeed I attended an Advent Carol Service last Sunday, and the entire church was illuminated by candles! So how is all this linked back to Pagan Worship?

Well the pagans were a pretty observant lot! They had noticed during the winter season that daylight gets less, that the sun seems to loose its strength, and the weather gets colder. It must be obvious then that the sun is burning out! So why not light huge bonfires to help the sun gain the strength it needs, and what better day to do this than on the shortest day of the year – when the sun is at its lowest ebb?

In the eyes of these pagan people this practice was proven a success because come what we call spring the sun had gained new power – the daylight hours had lengthened and the temperature had risen!

Christians took over the light as a sign of truth. Jesus is referred to in the Bible as “the light of the World.” So to remind us of this we have candles on the altar.

Advent Candles

Once upon a time real candles were used on Christmas trees!


THE CHRISTMAS CRIB

Long ago at the end of the year it became a custom with the Romans to give clay dolls as presents. When the Romans became converted to Christianity the dolls became the characters in the Christmas Story.

In most churches and in many town centres you will find a Christmas Crib. In the crib you will find all the main characters of the Christmas Story – Mary, Joseph, Baby Jesus, the Shepherds, the Kings, an Ox, an Ass, sheep etc. Yet if you know the Christmas Story you will realise that the Shepherds and the Kings did not arrive in Bethlehem at the same time! So why are all these people crammed into the Christmas Crib?

Well the “blame” for this fairly and squarely rests with St Francis of Assisi. In 1224 at Graecia in Italy he built a crib and used real live people to enact the Christmas Story.

NATIVITY PLAYS AND PANTOMIMES

Today it has become something of a tradition to attend two types of play at Christmas. One is a Nativity Play and the other, is a more light hearted and entertaining play usually called a pantomime.

During the middle Ages many people were unable to read, and so they were “told” religious stories by means of a Miracle Play. These Miracle Plays would also tell the Christmas Story and became known as Nativity Plays. These plays were acted on “pageants” which was the name for a large horse drawn cart. The plays began to have amusing scenes in them, which were often not suitable to be performed in church, so they were performed in the open air, usually in the market place and other suitable spots where crowds would gather – hence the need for the performance to be mobile.






Next blog I will look at Carols, Evergreens – Holly, Mistletoe etc.

Fun With Pixie

I mentioned a few blogs back that Hannah and Ben had got a miniature pincher, and on Thursday Hannah was round and brought Pixie (the miniature pincher) with her. The two dogs get on like a house on fire! so I took the opportunity to take a few photos of them, playing with what we call Ruby’s raggy.

Please can I have my "raggy" back?

On one or two of the photos it looks as thought they are about to tear the living daylights out of each other, but it is all play! Ruby is very gentle towards Pixie, and puts up with an awful lot of tugging and pulling from Pixie, who seems completely fearless where Ruby is concerned.

Despite the fact that Ruby can almost pull me along the hall when we are playing with her raggy, she has never yet dragged Pixie along the hall attached to the end of her raggy! This game usually finishes up with Pixie making a sudden dash and grabbing the raggy and running off with it and then secreting herself in some small space where Ruby can’t get to her! After a few minutes she will emerge dragging the raggy behind her just so that Ruby can join in the tug of war again!

Early Christmas Preparations

It’s got to that time in our house when we try to remember where in the loft we put the Christmas decorations, the tree lights, and the spare Christmas Cards and wrapping paper left over from last year. Each year I promise myself that when I put all these items back in the loft, I will clearly mark the packaging they are in so that it is easy to find them the following year, and each year they just get dumped back in the loft after Twelfth Night!

About a week ago my wife suggested that we had accumulated so many decorations over the years that it was time to get rid of some of them, so that started the search! I discovered about half a dozen boxes of glass Christmas tree decorations that we have not used for years, so these were taken to the Martin House charity shop in Skipton.



Today it was the turn of “hunt the tree lights”, and once again we had accumulated a few sets of lights, two of which were boxed and unopened. There were also two or three sets that weren’t working, so after a fruitless hour of testing bulbs, fuses etc. these were finally thrown in the bin! The two unopened and working sets have gone to a shop in Harrogate called “Space” which specialises in Retro items! (I think both of the new unopened sets of lights were circa 1960!)




So now we know where the working sets of white lights are, where the Christmas tree decorations are, and where the spare Christmas cards and wrapping paper are. All that remains now is to purchase a real Christmas tree, and put the lights and decorations on it, write the Christmas cards and address the envelopes and post them, and then we can put up our feet and relax and enjoy the Christmas season!!

Oh I nearly forgot! - there's just that little job of buying the Christmas presents, the turkey, stuffing, cranberry sauce, sausage meat, vegetables, mince pies, cheese, trifle, alcoholic beverages etc. Thank goodness for those two Christmas Saints - Marks & Spencer!

Politically Uncorrect Food for Thought

In my last blog I commented at some length on the politically correct brigade, and the lengths some people go to so as nobody is offended by anything.

My concluding remark was:-

Isn’t it time we stood up to this faceless bunch of politically correct pratts and told them just what to do with their political correctness?

Well here is what the Australian ex prime minister, John Howard had to say on the subject of bending over backwards for immigrants:-

“IMMIGRANTS, NOT AUSTRALIANS, MUST ADAPT”.

Take It or Leave It. I am tired of this nation worrying about whether we are offending some individual or their culture. Since the terrorist attacks on Bali, we have experienced a surge in
patriotism by the majority of Australians.'

'This culture has been developed over two centuries of
struggles, trials and victories by millions of men and women who have sought freedom'

'We speak mainly ENGLISH, not Spanish, Lebanese, Arabic, Chinese, Japanese, Russian, or any other language. Therefore, if you wish to become part of our society, learn the language!'

'Most Australians believe in God. This is not some Christian, right wing, political push, but a fact, because Christian men and women, on Christian principles, founded this nation, and this is clearly documented. It is certainly appropriate to display it on the walls of our schools. If God offends you, then I suggest you consider another part of the world as your new home, because God is part of our culture.'

We will accept your beliefs, and will not question why. All we ask is that you accept ours, and live in harmony and peaceful enjoyment with us.'

I am sure there are those who will say that the above is racist, but to those people I would say read the last sentence again.

Isn’t it a shame that we have such a weak government, wrapped up in not offending anyone, and so hide bound in civil liberty laws that they daredn’t speak on behalf of countless thousands of the silent majority who would whole heartedly agree with John Howards words, but are frightened to admit their beliefs openly for fear of being branded racist.

Merry Winter Festival (Christmas to the Politically Uncorrect)

Let me put my cards on the table right from the word go. I would say that I am something of a traditionalist. I am proud to have been born an English man and absolutely abhor those who would dilute the culture and traditions which make up our heritage.

One of my pet hates is the so called “Politically Correct Lobby” – that faceless mass of people who would have us become so watered down that we would mean all things to all people, and in the end, nothing to anybody!

It is at this time of year that I really begin to see red when the politically correct brigade try to tell us that Christmas should be done away with in case it causes offence to those of other faiths.

Only a month or so ago I saw an illuminated sign strung across the streets of Bradford which read Happy Deepwali. If this can be accepted by Christians, why would it be frowned on by the politically correct brigade to string a similar illuminated banner across the streets which says Happy Christmas?

But the bad news is the problem is not one of local feelings. Apparently there is a move afoot at national level to eradicate the celebration of Christmas. I kid you not. Harriet Harman’s controversial Equality Bill could ultimately lead to eradicating Christmas.

Already the Roman Catholic Bishops have warned that the complex legislation will have the effect of town halls and other organisations clamping down on festivities for fear of offending other cultures.

Under existing legislation we have seen the development of a risk – averse culture, with outcomes as ridiculous as reports of a local authority instructing tenants to take down Christmas Lights in case they might offend Muslim neighbours, or of authorities removing the word Christmas out of “cultural sensitivity” to everyone except Christians. I recall last year a local authority (not too far away from here) trying to replace the word Christmas with the words Winter Festival.

As Scrooge would say “Bah Humbug!”

Isn’t it time we stood up to this faceless bunch of politically correct pratts and told them just what to do with their political correctness?

Just as a bit of light relief, I offer you the following piece of politically correct poetry based on the famous poem The Night Before Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck...
How to live in a world that's politically correct?
His workers no longer would answer to "Elves".
"Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves.
And labour conditions at the North Pole
were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.

Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,
Released to the wilds by the Humane Society.
And equal employment had made it quite clear
That Santa had better not use just reindeer.
So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid
Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!

The runners had been removed from his sleigh;
The ruts were termed dangerous by the E.P.A.
And people had started to call for the cops
When they heard sled noises on their rooftops.
Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened.
His fur trimmed red suit was called "Unenlightened."

And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows,
Rudolf was suing over unauthorised use of his nose
And had gone on Geraldo, in front of the nation,
Demanding millions in over-due compensation.
So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife,
Who suddenly said she'd enough of this life,


Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz,
Demanding from now on her title was Ms.
And as for the gifts, why, he'd never had a notion
That making a choice could cause so much commotion.
Nothing of leather, nothing of fur,
Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her.

Nothing that might be construed to pollute.
Nothing to aim, Nothing to shoot.
Nothing that clamoured or made lots of noise.
Nothing for just girls, or just for the boys.
Nothing that claimed to be gender specific.
Nothing that's warlike or non-pacifistic.

No candy or sweets...they were bad for the tooth.
Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth.
And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden,
Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden.
For they raised the hackles of those psychological
Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.

No baseball, no football...someone could get hurt;
Besides, playing sports exposed kids to dirt.
Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passe;
And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.
So Santa just stood there, dishevelled, perplexed;
He just could not figure out what to do next.

He tried to be merry, tried to be gay,
But you've got to be careful with that word today.
His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground;
Nothing fully acceptable was to be found.
Something special was needed, a gift that he might
Give to all without angering the left or the right.

A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision,
Each group of people, every religion;
Every ethnicity, every hue,
Everyone, everywhere...even you.
So here is that gift, it's a price beyond worth...
May you and your loved ones, enjoy peace on Earth!

Seven Minutes of Pure Hot Air and Waffle

Seven minutes to deliver the Queen’s Speech. What in Heavens name is Glorious Gordon doing? Has he developed the art of speed speaking, or is it just that he has nothing worth saying?

I suspect the latter when I learnt that there are only 13 full bills and two draft pieces of legislation (much of which is unlikely to make it into the law before polling day!)

There was NO mention of any bills to sort out the disgraceful mess within parliament over the MP’s expenses. It seems that the much heralded inquiry was just another government smoke screen.

So what were the bills alluded to in the Queen’s Speech?

BRIBERY BILL – making it an offence to bribe foreign officials, and for businesses to fail to prevent bribery.

CHILD POVERTY BILL –This will end child poverty by 2020. The government will make annual reports to parliament on progress.

If this one ever gets on the statute books I seriously doubt that it will work by 2020, and what use are annual reports to parliament? What is required is URGENT ACTION RIGHT NOW!

CHILDREN, SCHOOLS AND FAMILIES BILL. This offers parent and pupils guarantees for standards of Education. Schools will be given “report cards”, and children will receive at least one year of sex and relationship education.

Guarantees for standards in education? I’m sure this sort of thing has been bandied about from time immemorial! Sex and relationship education should be the job of any responsible parent. Sort out the irresponsible parents first! They cause more problems with their offspring!

CLUSTER MUNITIONS (PROHIBITION) BILL. This makes it an offence to use, produce, acquire, develop, stockpile, retain or transfer cluster munitions.

CONSTITUTIONAL REFORM AND GOVERNMENT BILL. This gives a basis in law for parliaments to scrutinise treaties and provides for the disqualification of peers convicted of serious offences or subject to a bankruptcy order.

What good is it being able to scrutinise a treaty if the government hasn’t got the guts to throw it out if it doesn’t approve of it? I would have thought that the disqualification of peers convicted of serious offences or subject to a bankruptcy order would have been automatic. Why not widen it to cover MP’s too? Maybe we would have a lot of MP’s rapidly leaving if this were the case!!!! Just think how many of them have been caught up in the expenses scandal They would qualify under the serious offences if someone in authority had the guts to see them all charged with the crimes they have undoubtedly committed.

CRIME & SECURITY BILL. This gives the police powers to bar suspect domestic violence offenders from their homes, and makes possession of a mobile phone in a prison, without authorisation a criminal offence.

Surely it is common sense to bar a persistent domestic violence offender from their home? Why is it only now that this has been decided to be put forward as a bill? If you are imprisoned this takes away your freedoms. What right does a prisoner have to expect to have access to a mobile phone? Taking away your freedom by imprisonment should automatically bar you from having access to a mobile phone. Full Stop.

DIGITAL ECONOMY BILL. This gives OFCOM the duty to assess the UK’s communication infrastructure every two years, and makes age ratings compulsory on all video games for children aged twelve and over.

What good is it legislating for age ratings on video games when they can not be “Policed”

ENERGY BILL. This supports the construction of up to four carbon capture and storage schemes to cut pollution.

EQUALITY BILL. This bans age discrimination outside the workplace and strengthens the powers of employment tribunals.

Being an (almost) OAP I’m all for this one – but it won’t make me vote Labour though!

FINANCIAL SERVICE BILL. This strengthens the FSA powers and allows consumers to bring court actions against financial institutions.

What have previous governments been doing? Was it not possible for consumers to bring court actions against financial institutions before this proposed bill?

FISCAL RESPONSIBILITY BILL. This provides a firm and binding statutory basis for the governments promise to halve the budget deficit within four years.

Oh Dear! Gordon got us into this mess, but I’m pretty certain that he won’t be around to have to comply with this halving of the budget deficit within four years! On the face of it this sounds like a sensible thing to legislate for but how on earth will the next government manage it?

FLOOD AND WATER MANAGEMENT BILL. This will enable sustainable systems to be considered for new building development. Water companies will be given more power to control customers usage.

Sustainable systems for all new building developments should have been in force years ago. Once again, I ask What have previous governments been doing to have to legislate for this now? I’m not very happy about giving the water companies more power to control customers usage. If I pay for my water, I should be able to use it how I wish (as long as I am not breaking any laws or flooding my neighbours property!)

PERSONAL CARE AT HOME BILL. This will guarantee personal care for 280,000 people with the highest needs.

A wonderful thought but where is the money coming from to provide this personal care?

So to sum it all up, I perceive this Queen's Speech as a load of hot air and waffle, with little or no substance, delivered by a man who knows that there is little chance of much of the content ever getting on the statute books.

I am pretty certain that Glorious Gordon will not be around in government anyway!

Nero Burning ROM

Here we are on Wednesday, and the last blog I did was dated Saturday 14th November! You may well be wondering why!

Well you see it’s just a little matter of a computer which refuses to do what it’s supposed to do! Let me explain……

I play the piano for a local Primary School, and they are commencing to work on their Nativity Play. The music for this is on a CD, and I much prefer for the children to sing to “live” music – i.e. me playing the piano.

However, one of the little Christmas ditties they had already learnt before I started playing the Nativity music for them was to the tune of See Saw Marjory Daw, but what they had learnt bore little resemblance to the tune I knew for See Saw Marjory Daw! – so I brought the CD home, to copy it, so that I could play their tune.

For some totally unknown reason my computer has decided that it doesn’t want to copy any CD’s at the moment. It goes through all the motions, even tells me that it has cached the appropriate tracks and when I insert a blank CD it tells me that it has burnt the tracks on to the CD, but it is patently obvious that it hasn’t, because

1) the CD has not revolved
2) The time taken to burn the tracks is far too short!

Believe it or not, I have spent about six hours in total trying to solve this little problem, and all to no avail.

I use the programme Nero Burning ROM, which has always behaved itself before, but not at the moment!