Talk About Being Dropped in the Proverbial S - - t!

I had to play for a funeral on Friday 27th.and the usual sequence of events is that the Funeral Director will ring me to book me, then some time later he will inform me of the musical requirements of the deceased persons family.

I was told the person who had died had left an order of service and in it was detailed the music to enter the Crem by, three hymns, and the music for the mourners to leave the Crem by. The second hymn was taken from a Christian Science Hymnal, and as I didn't have a copy of the hymn book, I asked the funeral director to obtain a copy of the hymn book for me.

The day before the funeral he rang me to let me know that he had obtained a copy of the Christian Science Hymnal, and he told me that the hymn was quite easy, so I didn't bother picking the music for it up before the service.

When I arrived at the Crem I asked the funeral director if he had the music, and he said, "Yes, It's on the organ. It's number 207."

I didn't have time to look at the hymn before the coffin was being carried into the Crem, and had to hastily strike up with Handel's Largo. After an opening sentence the first hymn was announced. This was sung, and was followed by a short sentence and then the second hymn was announced. (This was the Christian Science Hymn).

As I played it over, I noticed that the music on the first page (which went to the first three lines of a four line verse) didn't appear to fit in with the music on the second page, which was set to the words of the last line of the verse. It was also written in a different key.

Often in hymn books there are two versions of the same tune, and one is set in a lower key to make it more easily singable, so I was not too worried about the fact that the last line was set a tone lower. I could play it up a tone to match the first three lines of the tune!

When we got the fourth line of the tune the congregation were certainly not singing what I was playing, and on closer scrutiny of the hymn book I noticed that between the left hand page (and the first three lines of the tune), and the right hand page and the last line of the tune, someone had carefully cut out two pages!

In other words, the tune I was playing from the right hand side page had nothing to do with the tune on the left hand side page! Luckily by about the third verse I had picked up what the congregation were singing and could play something that more or less fitted it!

MORAL OF THIS SALUTORY TALE: Always get your hands on the music well before the service is due to start!