Ark Building, Flooded Roads, Books and This and That

The weather has not been particularly kind over the last few days. It has poured with rain, but thankfully we have not had the flooding that has taken place in Devon, the North East and various other parts of the country. Although we did have to take a diversion due to flooding on our way to Harrogate yesterday. I had planned to call at the Blue Barn to pick up a sack of dog food for Ruby, but when we got into the centre of Otley there was a sign in the middle of the Pool road saying ROAD CLOSED. This meant a trip via Leathley then back along the Harrogate - Pool road to Pool. All this water prompted me to emulate Noah and think along the lines of building an ark.

Then the weather changed for a couple of days and it became extremely cold. We even had the gritters up the road on a couple of occasions! This in itself created a problem. Should I build an ark or an ice breaker? As I type this, the rain has stopped and a strong winter sun has appeared in the sky. Oh, well, maybe I'll shelve the idea of ark building (or ice breaker building) until later.

Due to the the nights drawing in, and the dark weather, I have spent quite a bit of time reading. I have finished the book I bought on Arran whilst we were on holiday [Mysterious Arran] and have just started one of Maureen Lipman's collections of short essays, articles and the like. I think it is her latest book. It is called "I Must Collect Myself - Choice Cuts from a long Shelf Life", and as usual it has lots of very funny tales in it.

Let me give you an example.........


A blonde is on a flight to Toronto when she suddenly gets up and goes to sit in first class. She is spotted by one of the stewardesses who approaches her and points out that as she only has an economy ticket she will have to return there. The blonde replies, "Look honey, I'm blonde, I'm beautiful and I'm staying in first glass till we get to Toronto so fetch me a drink!" Worried the stewardess goes to tell the senior steward, who immediately goes over to reason with her. The blonde stretches her fabulous legs, flutters her eyebrows and says, "Look honey, I'm blonde, I'm beautiful and I'm damned if I'm moving from this seat till we get to Toronto!" Several other stewards and stewardesses try to get her to move, but have no success. Eventually the pilot of the aircraft is informed of the situation. The pilot says "Leave this to me, I speak blonde!"

He hands over the control of the aircraft to the co-pilot and goes to the seat where the blonde is sitting, and whispers something in her ear. She immediately leaps up out of her seat, thanks the pilot and returns to the economy section of the plane.

The stewards and stewardesses gather round him and ask him what he could have said to get her to return to her economy seat so easily. "Oh, it was simple really. I asked her where she was going and when she said Toronto I said I was very sorry she hadn't been told this at Heathrow, but the front part of this plane doesn't go to Toronto!"

Some of her chapter titles are wonderful - like the stories she tells about her mother Zelma - they are just not quite right!!

West Side Glory                          [West Side Story]
Dr Who's Who                             [Dr Who and Who's Who]
No Smoke without being fried       [No smoke without fire]
Mugger All                                 [Bugger All]
Barkless up the wrong tree                [Barking up the wrong tree]

I've only read about twenty pages so far, but have already had a good chuckle.