An Open Letter to Mr Cameron on how to solve the Economic Crisis

Dear Mr. Cameron,





Please find below our suggestion for fixing the UK's economy.



Instead of giving billions of pounds to banks that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan.




You can call it the Patriotic Retirement Plan:




There are about 10 million people over 50 in the work force.




Pay them £1 million each severance for early retirement with the
following stipulations:






1) They MUST retire.
Ten million job openings - unemployment fixed






2) They MUST buy a new British car.
Ten million cars ordered - Car Industry fixed






3) They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage -
Housing Crisis fixed






4) They MUST send their kids to school/college/university -
Crime rate fixed






5) They MUST buy £100 WORTH of alcohol/tobacco a week .....
And there's your money back in duty/tax etc




It can't get any easier than that!






P.S. If more money is needed, have all members of parliament pay back
their falsely claimed expenses and second home allowances




If you think this would work, please forward to everyone you know.






Also.....


Let's put the pensioners in jail and the criminals in a nursing home.


This way the pensioners would have access to showers, hobbies and
walks.


They'd receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical
treatment, wheel chairs etc and they'd receive money instead of paying it out.


They would have constant video monitoring, so they could be helped
instantly if they fell, or needed assistance.


Bedding would be washed twice a week, and all clothing would be ironed
and returned to them.


A guard would check on them every 20 minutes and bring their meals and
snacks to their cell.


They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose.


They would have access to a library, weight room, spiritual counseling,
pool and education.


Simple clothing, shoes, slippers, PJ's and legal aid would be free, on
request.


Private, secure rooms for all, with an exercise outdoor yard, with gardens.


Each senior could have a PC a TV radio and daily phone calls.
There would be a board of directors to hear complaints, and the guards
would have a code of conduct that would be strictly adhered to.


The criminals would get cold food, be left all alone and unsupervised.
Lights off at 8pm, and showers once a week. Live in a tiny room and pay
£600. 00 per week and have no hope of ever getting out.






Think about this (more points of contention):






COWS (or how to solve the illegal immigration problem.....)


Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad
cow epidemic our government could track a single cow, born in Appleby
almost three years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the county of
Cumbria?




And, they even tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable
to locate 125,000 illegal immigrants wandering around our country. Maybe
we should give each of them a cow.