Questions That Haunt Me

Each month I receive an e zine (e mailed magazine) from Lindisfarne. An Australian regularly contributes to the magazine and has "funnies" included in it. [He got in trouble by one recipient of the magazine last month for contributing what one the recipients classed as "racist jokes" They were the usual Irish Jokes!] I offer you his latest contribution.......


QUESTIONS THAT HAUNT ME!





Can you cry under water?



How important does a person have to be before they are considered
assassinated instead of just murdered?



Why do you have to 'put your two cents in'... but it's only a 'penny for
your thoughts'? Where's that extra penny going?




Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried
in for eternity?




Why does a round pizza come in a square box?




What disease did cured ham actually have?




How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a
good idea to put wheels on luggage?


Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up like
every two hours?




If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?




Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?




Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars
to look at things on the ground?




Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you
naked anyway...




Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural?




Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible
crisp, which no decent human being would eat?




If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about
him?




If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables,
what is baby oil made from?




If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?




Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?




Why did you just try singing the two songs above?




Why, Why, Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the
batteries are getting dead?




Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is
not enough money?




Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but
check when you say the paint is wet?




Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?




Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?




Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a
revolver at him?




Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?




Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?




If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?




Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are
always white?




Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that
something new to eat will have materialized?




Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum
cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to
give the vacuum one more chance?




Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?




How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?




And my FAVOURITE.........




The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons is suffering
from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if
they're okay, then it's you!